The Key to Having Better Birthdays

The key ingredient to a full life and having better and more enjoyable birthdays is simply love, actually. Love of self and love of and by others. 

I am admittedly “shy” about my birthday. In general, I don’t like being the center of attention unless it helps someone else or provides value to the general public. That’s why I don’t mind doing videos for our law firm, hosting webinars or workshops, or entertaining others with my many voices and characters (ask me about “Uncle Elmo,” “Reverend Manners,” or “Nigel Billingsly” sometime). Being an applied extrovert in those moments, I love teaching and making people laugh. 

It has taken a while and some really painful moments, but I now fully believe that I was born to make a difference by sharing my story, mentoring others, and helping all to laugh a little more in life. My main goal is to leave this world and the people in it a little better off than how I found them. If that requires me to shine the spotlight on myself or put a microphone in my hand or a camera in my face, then so be it. Otherwise, I am nearly content to join Emerson in a walk in the woods, Schulz at the drawing table, or Salinger in some reclusive writing.  

I say “nearly” because in the past three years I have come to realize just how essential it is to have deep and meaningful connections with others.  Sure, we all need quiet time alone to decompress, to be wowed by nature, or to just “take it easy,” and not “let the sound of our own wheels drive us crazy” as the Eagles encourage us in their famous song (thank you and may God rest your soul, Sr. Peg Dolan).  However, we don’t have to be monks about it. 

Now, no disrespect to monks, as there are some really great ones out there who are extroverted (Brother Curtis, I see you). Even for the more monastic and silent of them, monks are not complete isolationists. They even live in a community. Yet, their interaction within that community and certainly with the outside world is tremendously limited. 

For me, what I’ve learned over the years is that complete solitude is the antithesis of human nature. We were made by God to socialize; both for fun and survival. To isolate oneself and be totally alone is unnatural. I tried that once, at least in my mind. I physically lived with my family and showed up to work, but I was not mentally or emotionally present. I retreated into the sanctity and false protection of my mind; an essential mental hermit if you will. It didn’t work out so well. 

Throughout that experience (and still) I found myself reading a lot of the Bible and Stoic philosophy. Those readings helped me realize that God didn’t create the wonders of the world to be enjoyed alone. He made Adam and Eve as a duo. So at the beginning of our existence there was always more than one. Sure, Adam and Eve had a reproductive purpose to spawn an entire species of humans, but they can also be viewed as an allegory to the duality of our human nature.  There are two sides to most things, including people and their pairings. In my experience, to be successful and truly happy, one cannot be a hermit. One must embrace the duality of their existence which is brought out and nurtured only in community, but always stifled in solitude. 

To be clear, I’m not saying you must have a romantic “mate” to be happy in life. Your “Adam” or your “Eve” might be a dear friend, a family member, a colleague, or team member.  I am fortunate to have a number of Adams and Eves in my life that provide color, context, variety, and sometimes spice (in a good way) to my life. They all make me a better and happier person.  I was reminded of that this month as many of these special people in my life reached out to wish me a happy birthday and give me blessings for another great year around the sun. I felt very seen and recognized.  I don’t typically need accolades or acknowledgement, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good to get them.  

So to all my recluses, loners, and troglodytes (that’s for you Reeves McCune), I encourage you to be open to an Adam or Eve or maybe even a couple of them in your life (remember quality over quantity). You don’t have to be outgoing, extroverted, or something you are not. Always be yourself and true to yourself. But being different from the herd doesn’t need to be a lonely existence. There are plenty of introverts out there waiting on a friend.  Go find them.