When Fiduciary Tension Emerges:

How Advisors Can Support Clients Without Taking Sides

Fiduciary appointments are made with trust and intention.

A parent names a child as trustee because “she’s responsible.”
A sibling agrees to serve as executor because “he’s good with money.”
An adult child steps in as agent under a power of attorney because “someone has to help.”

At the time of signing, everything feels aligned.

But when incapacity or death actually occurs, the emotional weight of the role can shift the family dynamic in ways no one anticipated.

As advisors, we often find ourselves in the middle of that tension.

The key question becomes:
How do you support your client without taking sides?

Why Fiduciary Tension Happens

Conflict does not always mean misconduct. In many cases, tension arises because:

• Communication was informal instead of documented
  
• Expectations were never clearly discussed
  
• One sibling feels left out of information
  
• A beneficiary confuses transparency with control
  
• A fiduciary feels overwhelmed and defensive
  
• Old family dynamics resurface under stress
  

Grief amplifies everything. So does money.

When someone steps into a fiduciary role—trustee, executor, agent under a power of attorney—they move from “family member” to “legal decision-maker.” That shift alone can create friction.

The Advisor’s Role: Stabilizer, Not Referee

When fiduciary tension emerges, advisors serve best as stabilizers, not referees.

Your role is not to validate one person’s narrative over another’s. It is to:

• Reinforce legal duties
  
• Clarify process
  
• Encourage documentation
  
• Protect communication flow
  
• Reduce escalation
  

Remaining neutral does not mean being passive. It means anchoring your guidance in structure rather than emotion.

5 Practical Ways Advisors Can Help (Without Taking Sides)

1. Redirect to the Document

When conflict arises, return to the governing instrument.

• What does the trust say?
  
• What authority was granted?
  
• What discretion exists?
  
• What notice requirements apply?
  

This shifts the conversation from “what feels fair” to “what the plan provides.”

Structure reduces argument.

2. Normalize the Emotional Component

You can acknowledge tension without validating accusations.

For example:

“It’s very common for families to experience strain during trust administration. Let’s focus on the legal responsibilities and make sure those are handled properly.”

This diffuses emotion without escalating it.

3. Encourage Proactive Transparency

Many disputes stem from silence, not wrongdoing.

Encourage fiduciaries to:

• Provide periodic written updates
  
• Offer formal accountings when required
  
• Respond in writing rather than verbally
  
• Keep detailed records of decisions
  

Transparency builds credibility—and protects the fiduciary.

4. Avoid Becoming the Family Messenger

When one beneficiary asks you to “tell the trustee” something, pause.

Encourage direct, documented communication whenever appropriate. If legal guidance is required, provide it in writing to your client—not through informal side conversations.

Once you become the intermediary, neutrality becomes harder to maintain.

5. Know When to Escalate to Counsel

Sometimes tension crosses into breach territory.

Red flags may include:

• Refusal to provide required accounting
  
• Commingling of funds
  
• Self-dealing transactions
  
• Withholding mandatory distributions
  
• Hostile or threatening communication
  

At that point, neutrality shifts toward protection. Independent legal advice may be necessary to protect the fiduciary—or the beneficiaries.

Early intervention is often less costly than reactive litigation.

What Advisors Should Avoid

Even well-meaning professionals can unintentionally inflame situations. Avoid:

• Speculating about motives
  
• Offering legal conclusions outside your role
  
• Sharing one party’s statements with another without context
  
• Suggesting that “this shouldn’t be a big deal”
  
• Minimizing the emotional reality of the situation
  

Fiduciary tension is rarely about one issue. It is usually layered—legal, financial, and deeply personal.

The Long View: Protecting Relationships and Legacies

At Snyder Law, we often remind families:

The purpose of a trust is not just to transfer assets.
It is to transfer responsibility with clarity.

When advisors stay grounded in:

• Process
  
• Documentation
  
• Legal duties
  
• Professional boundaries
  

…they help families navigate difficult seasons without unnecessary fracture.

Sometimes tension can be resolved with education and structure.
Sometimes it requires firm advocacy.
Sometimes it evolves into formal litigation.

But in every scenario, the goal remains the same:

Protect the plan. Protect the people. Protect the legacy.

A Final Thought for Advisors

When fiduciary tension emerges, you may feel pressure to “fix” the family dynamic.

You cannot fix family history.

But you can:

• Provide steady guidance
  
• Encourage lawful conduct
  
• Protect your client’s position
  
• Reduce risk through clarity
  

Neutral does not mean indifferent.
It means professional.

And in high-emotion fiduciary matters, professionalism is often the most stabilizing force in the room.